Religion is very central to our lives, and it plays a huge role in our way of thinking and how we do our things. At times I cannot even imagine a world without religion, there would be a lot of chaos (equally the existence of religion has created a lot of chaos in the world).
Zimbabwe is a predominantly Christian country. I happen to be a Christian too. It is a decision I did not make on my own independently, but it is something I have decided to stick with for the rest of my life. At this point I am now convinced that nothing will change my religious decisions, no matter any amount of propaganda and perversion that may be thrust my way.
Being Christian, my denomination is the United Methodist Church. A Church with conservative people who are proud in their way of doing things, much like any mainstream denomination for example the Catholics and the Anglicans. A church that has had its fair share of disputes and break-aways and scandals too. But that’s my Church.
Honestly, I really can’t say with a high degree of confidence that I am in a good relationship with God. I don’t even know how to specifically address this area. Because it’s one that seems simple, superficially, yet it is intricate and complex. Primarily because of our (my) desire to indulge in earthly things. If I were to die immediately after authoring this piece, I am pretty sure a dreadful fate would await me.
My relationship with God is an on-and-off thing. That’s just how it is. See, in our society, everything we do is just for the sake of seeking approval, admiration and validation. Well, some may disagree (after all everyone is entitled to their ideas) but that’s just how it is. The same applies with religion. The amount of energy that people invest in being fake is just astonishing. You actually wonder if the person maintains their authenticity. My relationship with God does not hinge on what the people think, say or believe, but borders on what I perceive of the world. There are times I get engrossed in things that make God unhappy (yeah, I read the Bible), but then that is just between me and my God. There is always that feeling to deviate a bit.
With the Church, at times I get frustrated all the more. The Church is run by human beings, some of them genuine, but some of them are terrible and toxic. The latter are the kinds of people who make me shudder. They are the type of people that make despise the whole institution at large. No one truly knows of my relationship with the Church except Takudzwa Hillary Chiwanza. To that effect, I always see it befitting not to go to Church every Sunday, There are moments you know the message is likely going to be the same one ,for example that of incessantly giving to the Church. And we have pastors who are keenly interested in that field only. Pastors within the United Methodist Church.
I can just say that my relationship with God is a shaky one, characterized by a human being who is of wavering faith when faced with what the earth presents to him. With the Church, it is not really well. But not hazardous.
In short, this is just complex.
I also don’t like these relationships to take away my autonomy as a free-thinking and sane human being.